Remember, the Rape Stand runs on Dunkin'.
Good morning everyone, thanks for being here. We had strong performances across the board this past week, but nothing spectacular. We need our guys to get in the end-zone, and hopefully this week presents some matchups that we can exploit.
This game could be a measuring stick for your season to this point, how do you keep your guys from buying into the hype machine that has surrounded your squad?
This week's opponent is a totally different animal than last week. A monkey, in fact. There has been a lot of media jibber-jabber about this game, and it's created some backlash amongst the rest of the League, but whether or not this week is #1 vs #2, or #2 vs #3, it's a big game, and all eyes will be on Danger Monkey Stadium, affectionately known as "The Treehouse", this weekend. It's always tough to get a win on the road.
You made a controversial move to start the Tennessee defense last week instead of Dallas, what was the decision-making process there?
Well, technically that move was the wrong one in terms of points, but I'd make the same one again in a heartbeat. You don't pull on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, and you sure as hell don't start a defense against the New England Patriots right now. I think the only team with a chance to knock that bunch off would be the Colorado Rockies.
What's the deal with Bobby Engram? He's turned around a lot of doubters this year.
This guy made Kerry Collins look good at Penn State, he made Erik Kramer look good in Chicago, and he even helped Shane Matthews get a four-win improvement for da Bears. As much as I hate Matt Hasselbeck and his entire family (the Manning's of New England as they like to describe themselves), the guy can throw the ball a little bit and Bobby's going to catch it. He's not the most potent #2 option, but with Andre Johnson on the way back, he'll be one of the better #3 options in the League. He's undervalued because people aren't aware of the fact that a disease put him out most of last year. We care about our players, we care about their lives, their families. I'm not saying other coaches and organizations don't, I'm just saying it doesn't look like they do.
Coach, did your kicker make this onion dip?
From where we were standing, it didn't...look like he made it.
Coach, there have been some problems this week with the way your opponent has talked about this ballclub, what can you say about that?
I'm glad you brought this up Boomer. My players...my family...this organization doesn't deserve to wake up in the morning, open up the newspaper, and see that our opponent is disrespectfully referring to this team as "The Rapists". It's disgusting, and there's no excuse for that kind of imagery. The commissioner, in my opinion, should act accordingly and punish the offender. We have kids and families to think about...an image to uphold. The proper informal name of this team is, and I thought it was obvious enough to avoid explaining it, 'The Stands'. Not 'The Rapists'. And this isn't just a moral issue, there are licensing agreements to worry about here.
But coach, doesn't your team logo, perhaps, stray into "immoral" territory?
Who the hell let you in here? This logo is an example to children around the world. A statement. A mission. This logo will be associated with greatness much like the interlocking NY, or Touchdown Jesus.
Did you just compare Michael Vick holding a bag of contraband to Touchdown Jesus?
You said that, I didn't say that. NEXT QUESTION!
Coach, over one-third of the way through the season, who's the team to beat in LRFL?
Well, I'm not looking forward to running into the Sweet Tangy Limes, and I think the bye week situation presents a tough contest in Week 8 against the Brownie Kaboom Sundaes, but a lot can happen between now and then. Hell, Tank Johnson could be back in prison by then. Weeks 7 through 11 are going to be brutal. Having to run through the Nut Brown Division again, the winningest division thus far, is no cupcake either.
Coach, what do you think about the League's keeper situation?
I'll just say this, regardless of how many keepers will be settled upon, the decision needs to be made now, not at the end of the season when selfish interests will overwhelm the good of the League.
Thanks everyone, time to get back out there for our evening practice. We'll be pumping in a lot of canned crowd noise to try and prepare for "The Treehouse". Also, we will be serving punch and pie if you'd like to stick around.
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