COMEDY/TRAGEDY: Week 10

The benches were deep with running back talent this week, but for the second consecutive week there wasn't a single coaching move that would have shifted the outcome of a La Resistance matchup. The closest game this week still had a margin of 34 points, and the only way Jake Long's Cock could have beaten El Che was to start two quarterbacks. In the real world, Jake Long's cock and the artist formerly known as Lloyd Carr DID use two quarterbacks....and still didn't win at Wisconsin.

Significant points were left on the bench all over the League this week, but mostly in the area of quarterback and running back. Matt Hasselbeck's 41.25 points were tops for a pine riding quarterback, but he failed to qualify since Brett Favre more than held his own in the starting lineup for Mr. Matlin. Maurice Morris (24.5 pts) and Jesse Chatman (28.25 pts) both put up their best games of the season, but didn't make the cut for the Tragedy lineup, which gives you some idea of the depth at the running back position.

Can it be? A back-to-back "winner" for La Resistance Player of the Weak?!? Friends, colleagues, countrymen, one player has hit a new low, being honored consecutively by the Blog as the worst of the worst....

This week's La Resistance Player of the Weak is Gangstalicious Resurrection quarterback Philip "Marmalard" Rivers. Last week Rivers posted a pedestrian 8.5 points for the Gangstas. This week, the poster-boy for the Norv Turner regime in San Diego turned in a truly awful 1.5 points...in a Chargers win. Rivers seems to be getting worse and worse every week, and this season has scored over one-hundred fewer points than the man he forced out of Southern California, Drew Brees, despite Brees' difficult start to the season. Also, he'd probably seem like less of a douchebag if he just went by "Phil". Congratulations Phil, and enjoy your Lady Foot Locker gift card....again.

In addition to Rivers, special attention must be paid to two other horrible performances. First, to Pontoon Boats placekicker Adam "Captain Calm Eyes" Vinatieri. Vinatieri's one point for the high-powered Colts offense is magnified by the fact that he missed not one, but two chip-shot field goals, one of which would have most assuredly clinched an Indianapolis win.

Next, to the Vikings defense. We here at the Blog don't want to pile on Gangstalicious Resurrection because starting the Vikings defense over San Diego was the right move at the time, but with the advantage of hindsight...ugh. Minnesota's defense turned in just 3.0 points, one of the lowest defensive point totals of the year, while on the Gangstas bench San Diego had a whopping 37.0 points, one of the higher totals of the year, thanks to six interceptions of "God's gift to marketing" Peyton Manning and a pair of special teams touchdowns.

On to the lineups. As always, Comedy players were on their respective benches, while Tragedies hurt more than they helped in the starting lineup.

COMEDY:
QB: Kurt Warner, Limes, 39.5 pts
RB: Warrick Dunn, Soul-Ja Boi, 32.0 pts
RB: Ryan Grant, Straw Hat, 32.75 pts
WR: Bernard Berrian, Brownie Kaboom, 19.0 pts
WR: Shaun McDonald, Danger Monkey, 8.25 pts
WR: Chris Henry, El Che, 14.0 pts
TE: Donald Lee, Your Mom's Balls, 10.0 pts
DST: San Diego, Gangstalicious, 37.0 pts

TRAGEDY:
QB: Philip Rivers, Gangstalicious, 1.5 pts
RB: Marion Barber, Pontoon Boats, 7.5 pts
RB: LenDale White, Straw Hat, 3.5 pts
WR: Anquan Boldin, Jake Long, 3.5 pts
WR: Calvin Johnson, Brownie Kaboom, 4.5 pts
WR: Plaxico Burress, Danger Monkey, 4.0 pts
TE: Tony Gonzalez, Your Mom's Balls, 3.5 pts
K: Adam Vinatieri, Pontoon Boats, 1.0 pts
DST: Minnesota, Gangstalicious, 3.0 pts